A Grateful Thanksgiving

Charles E. Jefferson said, “Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.”

Mercy: “compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power” (Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary).

We talk a lot about grace, defined as “the free and unmerited favor of God.” We sing a lot about grace. In fact, “Amazing Grace” is one of the most recognizable songs in the English-speaking parts of the world today. But we don’t often talk about mercy. I believe that’s because grace is all about God; mercy is also about us. And not in a good way.

Grace is about the generous nature of God, His bountiful goodness and love toward us regardless of who we are or what we’ve done. But mercy is about His specific compassion and forgiveness toward us in the very face of exactly those things we have done that should warrant His condemnation.

We used to sing an old hymn in church. I loved the words but hated the melody because it skipped along the top of an incredible message of mercy and redemption. If you recognize the lyrics, try to read them as a poem instead of the familiar song:

Years I spent in vanity and pride,

Caring not my Lord was crucified;

Knowing not it was for me he died

At Calvary.

Mercy there was great and grace was free.

Pardon there was multiplied to me.

There my burdened soul found liberty

At Calvary.

The ultimate act of mercy was shown at Calvary where Jesus hung on a cross, taking on all of our sins and defeating their power in our lives. Instead of condemning humanity for everything we have done to desecrate God’s plan for our world and each other, God reached down into our story with the earthly life and death of His only Son, Jesus Christ, who conquered death and delivered mercy for all who would receive it from God’s open arms.

I have not gotten my dates mixed up. I know that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and not Easter. And I know that Thanksgiving is a patriotic holiday and not a Christian celebration.

But I also know that this is a broken world. We live in a broken country, surrounded by people living broken lives. If we are to have any hope of healing any of it, we need to always…at every opportunity…be reminded of the tender mercies of our Lord and Savior.

“I urge you, then, brothers, remembering the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, dedicated and acceptable to God” (Romans 12:1 NJB, emphasis added).

I wish you and your loved ones a Thanksgiving filled with grace and peace.

Let It Shake It Off

Shake it off and let it go.

It's funny that the two biggest pop songs of the past year had titles that mean basically the same thing. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard either one of them . . .

It’s also amazing how often I’ve found myself using those same phrases in conversations with friends lately . . . only to laugh that they are, indeed, straight out of pop tunes that have lit up every teenager’s iPod the last twelve months.

Too many of my friends are carrying around too much that they need to be turning loose. Letting go. Shaking off. It’s a common problem among moms, but not just parents. Many folks with compassionate hearts tend to hold onto other people’s problems as their own. We find out that someone we love is going through a difficult time or facing an awful challenge, so we internalize that problem and begin to carry it inside until it becomes our burden too.

Loving them does not mean owning their problems.

We see this problem or challenge as something we need to solve. We worry about what will happen in the lives of our friends and family members, and we own their issues as if they were our own obstacles to overcome. We create internal lists of our many difficulties and add stress to our life as we see all of these problems as our own.

We know how to pray for each other, so that’s not the problem. Many of us are wonderful “prayer warriors” and spend many hours lifting up other people’s lives to our loving heavenly Father. Part of the problem is that when we get up from our knees (physically or virtually), we reach down and pick the problem back up. It’s as if we’re saying, “Thanks for listening, God. Now I think I can really handle this better. I’ll let you know how things turn out.”

But a bigger problem is that these are not our problems in the first place . . . they’re other people’s problems. That doesn’t diminish the reality of each situation, but we should not be considering them our own issues.

A great book came out years ago called Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. (I highly recommend this book for everyone!) It is very important to establish personal boundaries and only own those problems that are your own.

One of the biggest reasons to stop owning other people’s problems as your own—even your children’s and your spouse’s and your parents’—is that God does not give us grace for other people’s problems . . . only as they directly relate to being our own responsibility. In other words, if God has called you to counsel, guide, support, or have some other role with another person, God will give you the grace and wisdom for that purpose. But God will not give you the grace to worry about the problem; fear and anxiety will only exhaust you.

Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Can you imagine if a cardinal started worrying about what a blue jay was going to eat? What if a woodpecker started putting away seed for the nuthatch? Do you see how absurd that would get . . . quickly?

So shake it off.

Prayers gonna pray, pray, pray.

Peace, Man

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Years ago I was working as a teller trainee at the busiest downtown bank in Orlando. On one particularly busy afternoon, I heard a commotion a few windows down at the teller counter as a customer was blasting the head teller with his frustrations over a recent transaction gone wrong. I observed as the experienced teller listened for a couple of minutes to the man carrying on about what had happened and how it had left him furious.

When he finally stopped—or at least paused to catch his breath—I expected the head teller to really set him straight and let him know that we certainly could not have done something so terribly wrong and irresponsible. Instead, the woman just put both of her hands on the counter between them, leaned in, and quietly said, “You have really had an awful time, haven’t you? What an awful day you’ve had. Why don’t we see what we can do to make this better, okay?”

It totally diffused the man. He had nothing else to say but, “Thank you. That would be great.” And from there, the volume and intensity totally changed. And I learned a lesson that has stuck with me to this day—both at work and at home and in all of my relationships.

I wish I could say that I always remember this, but I haven’t reached that state of perfection just yet. But many, many times I remember to stop and listen to what I’m hearing before I respond in anger, defense, or any other harsh emotion that will only further the conflict.

Somewhere along the way my family picked up the phrase “nailing Jell-o to the tree.” I’ll sometimes try to picture that when someone comes at me in anger . . . giving in so gently that their attempts at aggression are exactly like that . . . like nailing Jell-o to a tree. Nothing sticks.

What should follow next, of course, is constructive solution. Sitting down and working through the problem. Some people don’t want that; they’re really just there for a fight. If so, that’s their problem; don’t own that. But if you can diffuse the heat in the moment to get down to solving the problem effectively, things will be better for everyone.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9).

Across the Generations

Music runs through my veins. Anyone who knows me knows that.

Give me a topic and I can name three songs with that in their title or lyrics. Give me a line from a song (especially if it's from the '60s, '70s, or '80s) and I can name that tune. I can sing along with any song from those decades...especially in the car where no one else can hear me and correct the lyrics that may or may not be right but have worked for me all these years.

Music has a special place in my heart and soul and always has since I was just a toddler. I grew up on it.

Music evolves and expands. Some genres evolve more quickly and some forms of music seem to spring up out of nowhere and then stick around, gradually influencing other genres of music. Generation to generation, we all find our own voice and our own form of expression, we music lovers and music makers.

One thing that never changes is the word of God. Oh, we have various translations now. We go back and find a better way to interpret the original text for today's language. And we discover better ways to understand how to place the original writings in their historical context. But the message never changes.

The very best part of the Scripture that never changes are the words of Jesus. They always ring true and always reach straight through to our hearts, no matter our age, no matter the decade in which we live. Why is that?

Jesus spoke to all people. His message was for everyone, regardless of culture, social status, sex, age, race, ability, or anything else society would use to define us. And it was for all time...as we know it. He spoke in stories that everyone could understand. He spoke of love, grace, and redemption. He knew his message would bring controversy and division and he addressed that too. But he promised a Comforter, and we can all receive that message.

Musical preferences separate people by age, geography, culture, and other demographics. The word of God unites us as we read words that say, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Words of love, hope, and grace will always bring us together.

Actually, I can think of one song that is timeless and seems to reach everyone in our country:

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.